Claire

The blurb:

Dr. Karen Darwin is the foremost zoologist in the area of giant panda reproduction. She is passionate about her work and desperate to save these beautiful creatures from extinction. Loss of habitat has led to more and more breeding in captivity programs, but success has been elusive. The pandas either can’t seem to get in the mood or have somehow forgotten how to do it.

David Marceau is from a long line of mimes, but he is facing his own form of extinction. Nobody likes mimes any more, not even ones with killer smiles and drool-worthy bodies. Work is difficult to find and his latest gig has been entertaining children at the zoo. It’s not a bad job, but the animals are a more appreciative audience than the humans.

When Karen spies her breeder pair, Zhou Zhou and Ting Ting, watching and mimicking the zoo’s mime, she concocts an outrageous plan. But will the mime go along with it? Will he agree to an adult version of show and tell that is both titillating and dangerous? If the pandas don’t like the performance they might attack. But even more dangerous, can Karen keep her sacrifice limited to the good of science and the survival of a species, or will a certain mime steal and lock her heart in a box and throw away the key?

I like the purty purple of this one. Not sure Marcel Marceau would approve though.

On a personal side note: Happy Birthday to my biggest fan. Hope the angels baked you a cake. 🙂

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

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Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

O is for Out of Circulation.

Today I’m going for a tongue-in-cheek cozy mystery.

First the tagline:

Hooking and booking a lawman has never been so deadly!

The blurb:

Someone’s killed Harden Long, the meanest man in Beaver City–with a book, in the library–and the murder weapon was checked out to Verity Fausse! What’s an amateur sleuth to do when all eyes are looking at her, including those of Beaver City’s most tenacious lawman? Invite the good detective to tea, that’s what!

Detective Lance Thrust has always suspected the comely Miss Fausse to be one of the devil’s own–always poking her pert button nose into other people’s business and making him look like a fool. Though no one plans on attending the curmudgeonly Long’s funeral, no murder should go unpunished. Lance is determined to solve this case without Verity’s interference. Should be easy since she is suspect number one! Once Thrust and and his new partner Sergeant Ben Dover tag team her, she’ll be squealing her confession in no time.

Verity knows Detective Thrust and Sergeant Dover want to do more than eat her tea cakes when they come calling after the funeral. She’s ready for their rough interrogation but has a few questions of her own, like where exactly was the strong and silent sergeant on the night old man Long was murdered? And why does Ben have paper cuts all over his face and fingers? Verity is going to have to use all her cunning and a few unorthodox maneuvers to gain Lance’s trust and lay bare Ben’s motives without arousing his potentially deadly suspicions.

Okay, not my best one, I know, but I was kind of swamped trying to get all these prepped and loaded ahead of time so I could go on spring break vacation with the spawn. But I am rather proud of the innuendo and Verity herself is just so perfect for the cover! I kind of gave away whodunnit in the blurb, too, didn’t I? Bad, and most regrettable. LOL

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