Not sure whether I like this one or not.  I like the story’s concept of a plodding planner getting the better of the impulsive thrill-seeker in a seemingly impulsive act, but I’d probably rewrite it were I to ever invest more into it.

My probable edits / criticisms are marked in color.

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Jayna lived on adrenalin, absolutely adored the high it gave her. She never wore a seat belt and drove far faster than the speed limit, waited until the last minute to do her school assignments and work projects, loved to skydive and do other thrill-seeking sports (meh, somewhat lame examples–I’d tweak these). The rush of shifting into overdrive was her particular form of crack, had been for as long as she could remember.

So it came as a huge surprise when she fell in love with Gavin, a man who planned every second of his day with exacting precision. They say opposites attract and nothing provided a better example of that concept than Jayna’s and Gavin’s love affair.

They married on June 15th, the day when the planets aligned in the most favorable arrangement for their respective astrological charts.  (the June date is traditional but the astrology part was out of character for Gavin.  This I’d replace with something else more mundane) At least that’s what Gavin’s calculations showed. Jayna’s contribution to the wedding was to show up 30 seconds before the wedding march began, still putting on her earrings. (probably a better example here)

But just as opposites can attract they can also repel. Within six months, the happy couple was not so happy anymore. Jayna exhausted Gavin with her recklessness and Gavin exasperated Jayna with his plodding lack of spontaneity. Their love disintegrated and contempt crept in and filled the void.

Not one to plan anything, Jayna saw no reason to seek a divorce from Gavin when offing him would be so much more fun and immediate. She didn’t plan it per se but knew when the moment was right, she’d seize it. Just thinking about doing it gave her a thrill. She spent her nights fantasizing about different methods of murdering her husband. Knife, gun, fire, fall from a great height, poison, hitman, vicious animal attack, the possibilities were endless. (POV issues or fine tune for omniscent possibly…would need to research omniscent more.)

Gavin took the more traditional approach and filed for divorce when he realized that Jayna would not. They had separated months ago and he had moved into an apartment on the other side of town. When it came time to serve the papers, he followed the delivery with an in person visit.

Jayna answered the door and glared at him. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you,” she snarled. (why does she say this?)

“It will be a lot quicker and easier for both of us if you’ll just sign and be done with it Jayna.”

“How long do I have before the papers are due?” He smiled because she treated it like it was a school assignment. Nevertheless, he played along and said, “You have until midnight tonight.”

“And if I don’t want to sign?”

“It doesn’t matter if you sign or not,” he lied, “the divorce will go through with or without your consent.” (this whole dialogue passage is just bad and wrong–need to totally swap it out for something a bit more contentious, like a fight over who gets the house, etc.)

“We’ll see about that,” she said and then slammed the door in his face. A few minutes later, she reopened the door and saw that Gavin still stood on her doorstep, waiting.

“Why haven’t you left?” she asked.

“I’ve planned my day to wait for your signature or midnight, whichever happens first,” Gavin said calmly. (yeah, yeah, zzzzz)

“Well, you might as well come on in then.”

Gavin smiled as he followed Jayna inside what used to be their home.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” said Jayna as she disappeared upstairs.

“Take your time,” said Gavin as he walked over to straighten a picture on the wall. (I loved this very simple action–to me it foreshadowed Gavin’s next moves)

When Jayna returned, she brandished a gun and pointed it at Gavin. She smiled and he could tell that she was breathing a little faster than normal, that she was enjoying the thrill of threatening him and no doubt would also enjoy the moment she pulled the trigger.

Pow, pow, pow rang out the gunshots in rapid succession.

Gavin and Jayna stared at each other as the smoke from the gun curled up and then dissipated.  (<—I was happy with this) Jayna looked down at her abdomen and saw three gunshot wounds bleeding profusely before she collapsed on the floor. “Gavin. How…”

Gavin lowered his gun and tucked it back inside the waistband of his pants. “My dear, I’ve had this planned for quite some time. I only needed your provocation to validate my actions. Not entirely unpleasant, this whole adrenalin rush, but I don’t think I’ll make a habit of it. Afterall, look what it did to you.”  (Liked this part too.)

The light in Jayna’s eyes flickered and then went out.  (Reminds me of when the Terminator is finally “killed” and his red eyes go out.  he-he.)

“No more fun and games now, let’s wrap this up,” said Gavin to himself as he went out to his car to retrieve the gloves, plastic sheeting, duct tape, and sulphuric acid that he had brought with him (delete “he had brought with him” cause that’s kind of a “duh” thing.). He had always been a tidy man and quick to clean up his messes and correct his errors, all of them.  (My favorite line of the whole piece and I’m very happy to have ended it on a strong note.)

Flash Fiction–We have 90 minutes from when the theme word (Graduation) is posted.  I did this one in 67 minutes and it’s one of my favorites so far.

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“Claire. Come look at him. There he goes again,” exclaimed my boyfriend, Guy, as he watched our newly adopted dog Rainman in our fenced backyard.

I looked over Guy’s shoulder to see Rainman running laps around the yard, barking wildly before finally taking a flying leap at the gate. He then jumped up toward the low hanging branches of the tree in the middle of the yard before doing a few back flips, which I thought was so cool and was why I adopted him in the first place. He’d then repeat his antics over and over again until we brought him in for dinner.

When he wasn’t being an endless bundle of energy, he would sit at my feet or lay on his back in my lap and stare at me. He’d cock his head side to side as if trying to figure me out. When he tired of that game, he’d give me a doggie kiss, dry hump my leg a few times and then lift his leg and pee on Guy’s pants before whining to be let out to resume his doggie Olympics.

“Maybe we should enroll him in obedience school,” I said, feeling guilty for the hundredth time in less than a week about my choice of dog from our local humane society.

“Great idea, Babe, here’s the yellow pages, knock yourself out,” Guy said as he walked over to me and handed me the book already open to obedience schools for dogs. “If he learns to mind you, he’ll mind me since I’m the alpha around here.”

“You think you are,” I muttered but took the book and began to search the listings for the one that jumped out at me as being ‘the one’.

I had a sixth sense about things like this so I always went with my gut. My finger landed and remained motionless at ‘Scully’s School for Wayward Canine’s’. I liked the name. Scully. Just like in the X-Files.

Rainman and I signed up and for the next six weeks, we drove across town to the commercial strip center that Scully’s rented. From the first session, I knew something was both different and odd about Scully’s. Not in a bad way, but definitely unorthodox.

Scully spent most of his time with the owners while the dogs played with each other in a fenced in area. He taught us how to hold the leash, how to control our voices, the “right” things to say to our dogs, that sort of thing. At the end of the class, he’d call the dogs over to the gate, pet them and whisper a few words to them as he matched dog to owner and bid us goodbye until the following week. I have to say, it was the easiest class I’d ever taken.

On graduation day, we all proudly entered the fenced area with our now obedient dogs on their leashes. When I said ‘sit’, Rainman sat. When I said ‘stay’, Rainman sat on his haunches until I bid him to come to me. He was perfect and I had never been more proud of what we had accomplished together. Too bad Guy hadn’t come to see the graduation ceremonies.

As Rainman and I got in the car to go home, I said, “Rainman, you know what? I’m an excellent driver, yeah, an excellent driver,” as a joke. Rainman laid down on the passenger seat and put his paws over his eyes as if trying to tell me just how lame he thought my little joke was. “Aw, you know I love you, Rainman, more than anything.” He perked up and started to pant. I reached over and scratched his head.

“Woof!” said Rainman.

“Woof, woof!” I said back and then laughed.

When we walked in the house, I immediately noticed some things were missing.

“Guy?” I yelled. No answer. I walked into the kitchen and there on the table was a note from Guy basically telling me that he’d left me for another woman and taken his stuff. The asshole had put one of Rainman’s pawprints at the bottom of the page as a joke.

After crying a few tears that I realized didn’t feel very sincere, I looked at Rainman and said, “It’s just you and me, Rainman, my little graduate with honors.”

Rainman said, “Woof!”

I said, “Woof, woof!” and went to bed to read a book before I dozed off.

A movement in my bed behind me woke me a little after 7 AM. “Is that you, Rainman?” I was still a little groggy but reached back behind me and scratched his hairy belly.

“Woof!” said a man’s voice.

“Woof yourself,” I said and then realized that Rainman didn’t sound like Rainman.

I sat bolt upright and looked to my left and saw lying next to me the most gorgeous man I’d ever laid my eyes on. What I thought had been Rainman’s belly had actually been his chest. I lifted the sheets and saw that he was naked and very much a man from head to toe and all the parts in between.

“Lie down,” the man commanded.

I laid on my back. I couldn’t do otherwise even if I’d wanted to.

“Now give us a kiss,” he said as he leaned over and kissed me, the most wonderful kiss I’d ever experienced.

“Rainman?” I asked, thinking that perhaps I was either still asleep or had lost my marbles.

“Yes Claire?” he said as he began to remove my nightgown, kissing every inch of my skin as he exposed it.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m being your best friend.” And oh how he was doing exactly that.

“Is this what they taught you at Scully’s?” I asked in a voice that barely sounded like my own because Rainman was quite busy being the best friend I’d ever had.

“No, this is what they taught YOU at Scully’s,” he said between his most friendly ministrations. “You were the top student and I was so proud of you at graduation.”

“Woof!” I said as I sighed.