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Another book for my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

Who doesn’t love a good captivity trope in romance novels? Throw in a little Phantom of the Opera, Beauty and the Beast and maybe 9 1/2 weeks and you have today’s Regrettable. Better yet, make it a foody story too and it’ll be full of win.

E is for Edible.

The Tagline:

Love is blind and loves chocolate.

The blurb:

Sylvie Renaud is the beauty of Paris. Men line up at her door just to kiss her hand. Being the daughter of a wealthy baron certainly doesn’t hurt either. Sylvie can have her pick of any man, but she’s going to take her time and savor the attention as long as possible.

Gerard Dubois owns Le Meilleur Chocolat. His chocolate shoppe has earned its reputation as Paris’s finest. Hideously scarred from burns received making his famous product, he keeps out of sight, preferring to work in the lonely wee hours of the night.

Gerard’s and Sylvie’s paths cross when she makes a visit to the shoppe after hours for a birthday present. Gerard only means to stop her pounding at his door so he can get back to his work. She’ll get a good look at his face and run screaming, leaving him in peace. How could he know Paris’s grande belle is blind? While Sylvie might be unable to see his face, he is enchanted by hers. One look and he’ll do anything to keep her, including kidnapping and whisking her away to his country home.

Sylvie may be a prisoner, but there is something about the velvety rich voice of her captor that enthralls her. She should be figuring out how to escape, shouldn’t be devouring the chocolates he tantalizes her with that are surely drugged. And she definitely shouldn’t be craving the man who overwhelms all of her senses but sight.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Click to see list of other participants

Today I have the fourth in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

D is for Desert / Dessert

I hate misspellings and one of the most common ones I’ve seen is confusing “dessert” with “desert” especially since I used to live in New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment and truly a desert-y type place. I’ve seen this misspelling in several published books but never on the cover, until now:

First the tagline:

“Sometimes the most fertile experiences are found in the most barren of places…”

The blurb:

New graduate Buffy O’Toole always thought she’d teach at one the prep schools on the east coast. After all, she’s a product of them herself and has nothing but happy memories of those days. Earning her teacher’s certificate should have enabled her to return, but when a momentary lapse in judgment renders her disowned and virtually unemployable, those dreams evaporate faster than a Walmart advertised special on a Black Friday.

An influential family friend offers Buffy a second chance—teach for one year at an impoverished Native American school in the high mountain desert of New Mexico and he’ll secure her a position at Miss Kennedy’s Equestrian and Finishing School for Fine Ladies in Martha’s Vineyard. Reluctantly she agrees.

Adrift amongst a people already suspicious and distrustful of the white man, Buffy must learn to set aside her prejudices and embrace the First People. However, two men, Chad Rutting-Stallion and Greg Mounting-Bull, want She Who Wears Twin Sets gone and are willing to use extreme measures to achieve their goal. They have no desire to be some rich white woman’s charity project, even if that white woman has the softest skin they’ve ever touched or tasted, and even if she happens to enjoy a little too much their dangerously seductive games of cowgirl and indians.

With her year nearly over, will Buffy be able to leave her savage First Men or will she run home to her civilized First love?

First debrief point I want to make is I mean no disrespect at all to Native Americans so I hope none is taken.

Second–notice the author’s name is taking a more commanding position on the cover? Yeah, I figure by book four, she’s earned it.

Third–could I have put any more phallic symbols on the cover? It’s actually a pretty cover I’d be proud to affix to the right story.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.