regrettable book

Click for list of other participants.

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

U is for UFO

First the tagline:

Is she his passion or merely a fringe benefit of an interplanetary directive to seek and conquer?

The blurb:

Men may be from Mars and women from Venus, but Stella’s had it with the ones who act like total jerks and then blame it on some stupid book. She’s ready to branch out into an entirely different solar system in search of everlasting love….but she’s speaking figuratively, isn’t she?

Gork has been sent from his home of Tattooink in a galaxy far, far away. His mission: find a planet with alien life forms capable of sustaining his species and their voracious sexual appetites.

When Gork crash lands in Stella’s pool, she has no idea she’s about to have a close encounter of the erotic kind, and that once she enters Gork’s sexual vortex, there will be no escaping. But is escape what she really wants or will she and her earthly sisters embrace a race like nothing ever produced on “Mars”, threatening very the existence of their own?

Stay tuned for the sequel, Alien Safeword: Nanu-Nanu coming in 2015 from Regrettable Publishing! nom-nom

***

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Click for list of other participants.

Had to have at least one vampire story so, combining bad reality TV with the ever popular vampire trope, we have:

T is for Transylvania

(Sorry there’s a V on the cover…once upon a time it was to be V is for vampire, but I had a last minute change of plans and no time to redo the art. One more regrettable element.)

First the tagline:

Til Death Do Us Part isn’t nearly long enough!

The blurb:

Romanian immigrant Nadia Belascu has met the American man of her dreams and is getting married. She can’t be happier as she plans the event of a lifetime–flowers, dress, limo, reception–until everything goes horribly, horribly wrong! A bachelorette party lands her in hot water with a thirsty vampire from her homeland. Now a vampire herself, Nadia is nevertheless determined to carry on with her wedding, even if it means hiding her new true self from her husband-to-be.

Not even over Vlad’s dead body is that going to happen. Nadia isn’t a random victim. She’s the One True Mate Vlad has been stalking for nearly a decade, the one he crossed an ocean for, waiting for his opportunity to finally claim and turn her. Vlad never let their differing schedules–she an early bird (BTB or Before The Bite), he a night owl–get in the way, and if the only means of finally winning Nadia’s love is to give her the elaborate wedding of her dreams, then by G** he’ll do it.

But Bridezillas don’t change their spotted reptilian skins just because their hearts stop beating. This Transylvanian bride-to-be has raised demanding diva hysterics to supernatural levels. Will Vlad be able to tame his bride before sharing a coffin or will a stake through the heart be the best wedding gift of all?

I think this could be rather funny even though it started off as a pretty lame idea in my earlier drafts. **Adds to her list of WIP ideas** Did you notice my photoshop attempt to combine the flowers photo with the vampire photo? I shopped in the bad makeup and blood too. No man-titty but there’s a bare SIM boob / wardrobe malfunction in there if you look closely. Heh! Don’t worry, I’m not quitting my day job any time soon.

***