Welcome to “Six Sentence Sunday”. Thank you for visiting and especially for any comments you might feel inclined to offer.
This six is a bit that was cut from my forthcoming debut novel, The P.U.R.E. (releasing April 16, 2012). Once upon a time I decided to make The P.U.R.E a cozy mystery and so I cut out or faded to black all the steamy bits. My publisher, who had read the pre-cozy version, said, “nuh-uh, put ’em back”. I did with some extras but also a substitution. This scene ended up on the cutting room floor, a fact that irks the Silverback because it was actually his scene idea. Little PURE trivia for you there.
By way of setup, Gayle and Jon, co-workers and clandestine lovers, have just finished having dinner at a very upscale restaurant. Jon has coaxed Gayle to the closed off to patrons mezzanine / balcony dining area that overlooks the main dining room. The pair is flirting with some naughty exhibitionism and are enjoying a different sort of dessert.
As I faced forward again, I scanned the diners, checking to see if anyone had spotted us on the mezzanine level. One face caught my attention–Sandy Gomez from HR. She didn’t see me, but she could have if she’d looked up. Part of me wanted to yell, “How’s about this for fraternization!” But I didn’t. Instead I closed my eyes to block her out and to concentrate on Jon.
Raise your hand if you’re with the Silverback in wishing I’d not cut this scene. No worries, I wrote a different but better one.
Be sure to check out the host site, Six Sentence Sunday, for links to more tantalizing snippets from some very talented writers.
Fraternization FTW! 🙂
Heh-heh, yee-haw to that! Thanks for stopping by, Stephanie. No 6 from you today though? ::pouts::
I’m with the SB, this does sound like a tasty little scene but I have full confidence the substitution is fabulous. Thanks for sharing a little backstory on the making of The PURE. Yes! 29 days to go!
Thanks. Oh yes, the revision is MUCH better and I think readers will agree (not that they’ll have much of a basis for comparison). 😉
I love you call him the silverback. so endearing. As for the scene…all I can say is the new scene better rock and roll because this one was amazing. Can’t wait.
Aww, thanks, Jenny. Yeah, the Silverback is gradually accepting his fame and moniker. He does indulge me though whether he likes the name or not. 😉
Love these “deleted scenes”–thanks for sharing. Yep, looks enticing, and of course now I want to know what, exactly, they’re doing up there 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
::snicker:: Oh, I think you can probably figure out what they were up to. Those who read the book (and I hope many will) will know exactly what they were up to even though the scene didn’t make it into the finished product. Thanks for stopping by, Guilie!
Yup. I’m with SB. The scene is definitely final draft worthy, but as Sandra says, I’m sure you made up for it with the substituted version.
Yes, I think I did. This didn’t survive for the right reasons. The book (started in 2009) went from erotic to cozy to steamy over its lifecycle. As originally written, this scene leaned more toward erotica, not because I planned it that way but because I was more of a novice at writing love scenes and my earlier efforts were rather crude…in almost all respects.
Ha ha, shame this scene was cut–think I knew where it fits in, but then again you and the editors did a great job with the final product. Just finished THE P.U.R.E. and posted a review. Nearly release day! Whoop whoop!
Thanks, JC for the comment and for the awesome review. I’m thrilled the technical parts of the book didn’t distract you too much from the overall story and the character’s voice. That’s always been my greatest challenge and fear–losing the layperson reader in a maelstrom of techno-babble.
Enjoyed this 6, love her thoughts here 🙂
This made me laugh – fave line: “How’s about this for fraternization!” Can’t wait to read what happens next with Jon!
Heh-heh…thanks. That’s a fun line I do miss.
Ooooh that is a really sexy little scene. Glad to know that it got replaced with something even better. 😀
THanks, Misha. I really do think the upgrade is one readers will like much, much better than this original scene.
I actually agree with it being an outake. It’s a cool scene and a GREAT line but, as a reader, I would go “Wha? Why is she so detached from what is going on. Poor Jon.”
I watch all the “extras” on DVD’s. If books had extras (hmmm that’s a great idea!), this would be ideal.
You know, that’s a very good point, Dale. I appreciate the male perspective on it. The whole book is first person so it’s easy to slip into an overly egocentric POV, looking for the next plot turn or witty quip that might not be right for the character or the story.