Holy Remake, Batman! Movies That Work. Movies That Don’t

 

Some movies are classics–destined to be remade. We never tire of watching the same old story told over and over every few years with different actors. Other movies, however, are so iconic it would be blasphemous to even consider remaking them, and if there have been remakes, who remembers them?

Let’s take a look at a few from each category, why they do or don’t lend themselves to remakes and the pitfalls to avoid with an otherwise foolproof classic formula.

Green light, top view (Photo credit: mag3737)

Remake = Green Light

Anything by Jane Austen

pride and prejudice

pride and prejudice (Photo credit: Apostolos Letov)

Pride and Prejudice tops my list of hard to mess up movies. I growl at and sigh over every Mr. Darcy (David Rintoul—1980, Colin Firth—1995, Matthew Macfadyen 2005) and root for every Elizabeth Bennett (Elizabeth Garvie—1980, Jennifer Ehle—1995, Kiera Knightly—2005) no matter who portrays them. All that’s necessary to kindle my affection is for Darcy to be a “great tall fellow” with a prejudicial attitude and Elizabeth to be a sharp-tongued beauty with an excess of pride. Darcy and Elizabeth are the ultimate antagonistic lovers in denial. He is the consummate snob who, despite his better judgment, falls for a woman with deplorable relations. When Darcy finally declares himself, Elizabeth gives him a boot up the ass until he proves his worth. How can you go wrong with that? For the most part a filmmaker can’t and won’t so long as he or she remains faithful to the original material and follows a few edicts:

  • Thou shalt not modernize the dialogue, embellish or abridge the story.
  • Thou shalt not beat the viewer over the head with subtleties hinted at but not necessarily focused on by Ms. Austen.
Cover of "Mansfield Park (1999)"

Cover of Mansfield Park (1999)

In violation of these edicts is the 1999 version of Mansfield Park, starring Francis O’Connor as Fanny. This is a story of a woman adopted into wealth who witnesses the romantic maneuverings of her foster siblings while facing her own challenges. The movie depicts shocking scenes of the heroine walking in on an adulterous couple in flagrante delicto. I like the sexy as much as anyone else, but not in a Jane Austen movie. Sorry, but, no. In addition, the film’s heavy underscoring of slavery was another misstep. Slavery, while a reality in Ms. Austen’s time, was merely hinted at in the book. Ms. Austen did a bang up job with her tales of societal mores and manners by circling what needed to be circled and subtly tilting her head at what she preferred to leave unsaid. Keep your crayons between the lines please.

Superhero movies

Superman

Comic book heroes translate exceedingly well to film and usually improve as computerized and other special effects grow in sophistication. We want these movies to be made over. No diss intended to the late Christopher Reeves, but I’m looking forward to seeing Henry Cavill as the Man of Steel, not only because he’s a delicious bo-hunk of a man but because I look forward to the special effects. Superman in 2013 for the win!

Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters

Speaking of special effects, the 2011 version of Green Lantern, starring the ever-tasty Ryan Reynolds featured remarkable computer effects. For much of the film Ryan’s head was superimposed on a computer-generated body. So as a pitfall to beware, it is possible to take CG a little too far. Mr. Reynolds’ body is his best feature. Green screening it into oblivion was just wrong.

Another key to keeping comic book hero stories on the winning side of the coin is to stick to the tropes established in the comic books. Don’t dress Superman in silk boxers and a fishnet t-shirt or give Clark Kent wire-rimmed aviator glasses. Batman’s sidekick is his male ward, Robin, not a smart-alack street urchin. Comic book readers are pretty persnickety about their heroes. Filmmakers should avoid flipping them off.

Red emergency light (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Remake = Red light

Please Mr. Producer, please, please, never remake any of the following movies or I will haunt you from beyond the grave.

The Technicolor Classics:

Cropped screenshot of Judy Garland from the tr...

The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland (1939), is noteworthy as one of the first motion pictures in color (most of it). One of the best-known films of all time, the L Frank Baum classic infused its DNA into our popular culture. Who hasn’t said, “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto” or “I’ll get you, my pretty!” Though Broadway spawned an adaptation called The Wiz (1974, which was later made into a film in 1975), the differences were significant enough to avoid a jihad. I’ve never seen a remake of The Wizard of Oz nor do I wish to.

Cover of "Gone with the Wind"Gone With the Wind(1939) is another Technicolor movie starring Vivienne Leigh and Clark Gable and is based on the Margaret Mitchell novel of the same name. With a heroine equally admirable as she is detestable and a virile blackguard hero with enough logged Stairmaster hours to sweep a woman up a tall flight of stairs for some ravishment, what’s not to love? Throw in breathtaking settings and costumes, and you’ve got an epic full of win.

Cover of "This is Spinal Tap (Special Edi...
A more modern induction into Claire’s “Break the Mold, Please” museum is This is Spinal Tap(1984). If you’ve never seen this film, I will personally come to your home and make you watch it. I’ll even pop the corn while you queue up the DVD. Parody at its finest by some of comedy’s most elegantly subdued but brilliant, this “mockumentary” about a heavy metal hair band brought all new meanings to “eleven” and “Stonehenge”. I cannot even bear to imagine this film in the hands of any other than Rob Reiner, Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer and a huge cast of cameo actors.

Alas, the older I get, the more I see remakes of movies that debuted in my youth. I can be a curmudgeon and shake my fist at the infidels, or I can assess my level of sentimental attachment to the original, and determine if my love is for the story or for its depiction. If the former, remake with my blessing. If the latter, well…I think I’ll stay home and read a good book instead.

 

9 thoughts on “Holy Remake, Batman! Movies That Work. Movies That Don’t

  1. There’s waaaaaaay too many remakes currently doing the rounds, and very, very few of them need to exist – the increasingly ridiculous lengths to which people are willing to prostitute their careers to abysmal and ill-informed remakes (the latest Night Of The Living Dead and Piranha films, for instance) should serve as enough of a warning for anyone, but take a look at IMDB. Go on. Look at the “in pre-production” films. Then weep. Batman (fresh off a critically-acclaimed trilogy) is being prepped for a reboot, and we have already seen some truly inspired – in the worst possible way – remakes of modern classics (the remake of Infernal Affairs is the only valid one I can think of). It is sad to think that this is the lengths of creativity we have to look forward to, when the stuff i really want to see is mired in either contractual snarls, or is actively ignored by the studios.

    Of course, I’m cynical and snarky, so you can’t take my opinion on this matter as the popular one – and I’m just as irritated by the lackluster sequels and endless hype which permeates the media these days.

  2. I disagree with remaking super hero movies. The original Batman movie (Adam West) is almost as good as Spinal Tap. And you are even more awesome for loving Spinal Tap!

  3. I cringe every time I hear some lazy movie house is remaking a movie. I don’t care what movie. Sure there are movies done so bad they deserve to be remade (everything Uwe Boll has ever produced), but for the most part I find it to be a serious lack of originality.
    BUT, superhero movies are the exception and I’ll grant some classic sci-fi. (Would love to see The Black Hole continued, or Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon handled properly and with respect).
    I found GL to be a little too cartoony. The only redeeming feature was that Ryan Reynolds’ smirk alone can carry a movie. The man is comic genius.
    Everything by Shakespeare is remake-able but has been handled pretty sloppily in the past.
    I, for one, would love to see more Hitchcock, Edgar Allen Poe and Dickens.
    Just saying.😉

    • You see there is a Poe movie coming out? Though it’s more about the man than his works…I think. Stars John Cusack. Think I’ll see it. Agree 100% with Shakespeare, though I prefer them hidden in a modern re-telling like 10 Things I Hate About You (Taming of the Shrew). Dickens is always good for a remake too. I’m partial to BBC attempts the most.

      I didn’t watch Green Lantern even though I like Ryan. When it’s free on demand I’ll probably bite.

      • I’m going to see the Poe movie as well. Although I think it’ll be along the lines of the recent Sherlock Holmes movies (which I liked).
        There is a Hitchcock movie coming out as well with Anthony Hopkins as Hitchcock. It documents the making of Psycho. I’m looking forward to that and The Great Gatsby.

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