Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.
L is for Lacemaker
I’ve seen a lot of books about wives lately: The Time Traveler’s Wife, Ahab’s Wife, The Pilot’s Wife, A Reliable Wife, etc. Where are the husband books? Huh? Where? Well, let’s fix that, shall we, beginning with The Lacemaker’s Husband.
First the tagline:
Can a hardened Viking warrior and a vanquished lacemaker live together without driving each other crazy?
Godfrey Dottirschmulkergaard can take any woman he chooses, from any city or village he and his fellow Vikings pillage and plunder. Handsome, fierce and powerful, his conquests are the stuff of nightmares…and fantasies.
Expert tatter, Bridget MacDougal refuses to flee when the tall ships arrive in her coastal village. She’s not going to be run out of her home by anyone, let alone a savage from the north with the worst table manners of anyone she’s ever met!
Godfrey can’t believe his eyes or ears when this tiny slip of a woman not only stands up to his threats, but insists he help her wind her lace-making threads. She’s got a wedding gown to adorn and no one–civilized or not–is going to prevent her from completing the job. If torching Bridget’s house, kicking her dog and ripping her doilies to shreds hasn’t cowed her into submission, perhaps bedding the maddening lacemaker will finally break her spirit.
But if Godfrey wants the MacDougal lairdship as the cherry on top, he’ll also have to marry Bridget and establish conjugal residency for six months. Can a Viking warrior survive a half year of domesticity with the beautiful red-headed harridan or will Bridget’s fiery temper drive Godfrey to beg for an early ship to Valhalla?
Who doesn’t love a good hen-pecked Viking story? **scans the room for raised hands and finding none sighs** Did I mention this was a parody?
Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.
Too bad that’s a parody. It sounds like a lot of fun! This has to be one of the best themes I’ve come across so far. Well done!
Thanks, Lillian! This particular regrettable is one of my favorites. So glad you’re enjoying the theme.
That picture is hilarious! I love your choice of theme for this year’s A to Z. Carry on, funny woman.
Will do, Lisa! Thanks so much for the visit.:)
Awesome theme. Love it! The funny part is I could totally see this book being written. I love that you even mock the way so many historic romance writers get basic facts wrong–for example red hair didn’t come into the gene pool in Scotland until AFTER the Vikings arrived because they brought it. The original Celts are small and dark.
The dude’s unpronounceable last name is icing on the cake. Awesome, awesome, awesome.
haha, Laurel, you busted me! I don’t write historical fiction for precisely the reason you pointed out–it’s too hard to get right without research and I never liked history! But it’s super fun to poke fun at and I am a big fan of reading historical romances. Thanks for the visit and comment! 🙂
good thing I can do math. Hey thanks for your comment. I think I commented on here before but now I’ve noted the address. You do realise – of course you do – that if you put this out as a “real” book no one would know the difference. Will be curious to see what you really write
Ugh…sorry about the Captcha but my security plugin got upgraded into crippling effectiveness keeping not only hackers away but legitimate visitors AND me too so I had to replace it at the last minute before going out of town. The new plugin is not much better, only works if I turn Captcha on otherwise no one can comment at all! Wah…I’m so frustrated with the darned thing but haven’t had a chance to wrestle with it yet again. Free wordpress is looking better and better, let me tell ya!
Some of these regrettables I can actually see myself writing, albeit perhaps not quite so ridiculous. Others….no, just no. LOL
OMG! I LOVE this! What makes it truly funny is that I tat!
This is wonderful – so happy you found me and The Boys. I miss those days when I could leisurely read, not happening in my life right now. I must forward this to my daughter, she loves literature, and would enjoy reading your posts. Thanks Claire
PS: Would love to see a photo of your Doodle….
Seems like an interesting book.
I’ll be honest, at the start of this, I thought the title was going to be “The Lacemaker’s Wife” and I was super prepped for a warrior woman on a mission to claim the (perhaps disabled) hunk of a lacemaker, ’cause he seems like the sort who wouldn’t get in her way. But wouldn’t you know, he’s so much stronger than he looks, ‘specially when he’s got his arms around her…
Now you’ve got me doing it! XD
Delightful as always.
Haha…inspiring more regrettable novels! My work here is done!
Glad you’re still enjoying my silliness, Nicky. 🙂
I’m loving it. I look forward to reading your blog in the mornings. X3