Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.
S is for Sheik.
Here’s some Rudolph Valentino, 21st century style.
First the tagline:
She’s not asking what her country can do for her, but instead asking what she can do for her country…over and over again.
The man who owns the love nest next to Dulcie Thomas is a royal hound dog. Literally. As in he’s a sheik from some Arabian country no one’s ever heard of but where the oil-driven GNP has allowed even the poorest citizens to keep swanky penthouse pads in New York City. The guy always shows up with a new beauty in tow–leggy, blonde, big tits, your basic nightmare–sets up house for a few weeks then disappears. The blonde skips off with a new bauble never to be seen again and a week or so later, the cycle begins anew. Disgusting.
Sheik Khalil Ibraham Prashneesh Yolande Mohammed Al-Jaffir—Skippy M to his club friends—has had it with his bitchy next door neighbor. Seems the building will let any riff-raff with a big trust fund take up residency. Skippy will be sure to have a word with Mr. Trompe the next time he sees him. This harpy named Dovey, Daisy, whatever, might not be so bad if she didn’t leave her ridiculous paperback romances on his doorstep. Always about some billionaire playboy sheik. He doesn’t need her romance tips, thank you very much. And if she doesn’t like the books, why does she keep reading them?
The east / west, male / female conflict comes to a head when Dulcie suspects Skippy has terrorist connections. Why else would he be ordering blindfolds, handcuffs, rope and torture devices? Patriot that she is, Dulcie is determined to aid Homeland Security even if that means going undercover beneath one thousand thread count sheets edged in gold filigree. Mata Hari will be nothing but a smudge on history’s pages after Dulcie fulfills her duty…no matter how many times she has to seduce the filthy beast! But at what cost to her heart?
I might need to spring for some new cover art soon or Skippy is going to be giving Jimmy Thomas and Fabio a run for their money. I think this is his third Regrettable cover so far. He was free when I got him, probably because he’d already been on fifty thousand other covers, most not intentionally regrettable. I love my new font I found though.
Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.