Claire

The blurb:

White light is all colors blended. A celestially crafted combination of an infinite number of components. White on canvas is the utter lack of color. Two polar extremes as white as the snow from the poles themselves. Two individuals as diametrically opposed as they are the same. The tangible vs. the intangible.

All is not as it seems.

Danger lurks at every corner.

Will she see it in time? Will he save her?

What secrets does the white canvas hold?

White.

Infinity.

White.

Nothingness.

Bliss or Destruction–only one choice separates them.

Do they dare make that choice?

The difference between all that could be and all that never was.

Huh? Ever read a blurb and think, “Either I am not smart enough to read this book or everyone else who claims it is so deep and wonderful is simply proclaiming the grandeur of the Emperor’s New Clothes”? Oh, but at least there’s a lot of sex in this one! Can’t you tell? 😉

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

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Geesh, I just now realized my alphabet is off by a day! How the heck did that happen? Oh, whoops on the 8th apparently. Apologies. I’ll catch up this Sunday and be back on track next Monday.

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

M is for Mommy

No idea where this one came from. I shopped all the images together first then concocted a ridiculous story to fit second. This one had two different titles–Tempting her BFF and Babysitting Mr. Miller–before I settled on The Mommy Swap. I really liked my Babysitting Mr. Miller concept so that may be a future Regrettable. But for today, we’re spoofing Wife Swap, the reality television show.

First the tagline:

Reality IS stranger than fiction.

The blurb:

Prunella and Charles Waltham live in Greenwich Village, NY. Prunella spends most of her time shuttling their only child Zhean-Rhennaix to the finest schools in New York City–modeling lessons on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, horseback riding on Tuesdays, post-cubism art lessons on Wednesdays and the Marionette Masters’ Academy on Fridays. Her world revolves around improving her daughter’s chances in the Little Miss Hissy Fit Beauty Pageant.

Delroy and June Miller and their two kids, Travis and Bessie, live in Coon Booger Hills, Arkansas. June grows the family’s food, makes their clothing and home schools both children to keep them on God’s righteous path and away from the Evil-doers in the neighboring city of Clinton, population 1000.

When the two couples agree to participate in the hit show, “Mommy Swap,” the producers are sure they have a controversial match up on their hands.

But no one expects Charles to run off with his secretary the second Prunella boards her flight to Arkansas.

No one expects June to take to stage mommery like a skeeter to a sugar-coated toddler.

No one expects the Miller kids to lock Mrs. Waltham and their father in the storm cellar for a week so they can play “Satan’s game” of Angry Birds on her iPad.

And no one expects a country bumpkin like Delroy and a trophy wife like Prunella to fall in love.

Everyone expects life to return to normal after the show ends. Everyone is wrong.

Is that show Wife Swap still on? Hmm. Any-who, this one is a formula for disaster with infidelity, bratty kids, toddler beauty pageants and a Bible thumper.

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