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Today I have the fourth in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

D is for Desert / Dessert

I hate misspellings and one of the most common ones I’ve seen is confusing “dessert” with “desert” especially since I used to live in New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment and truly a desert-y type place. I’ve seen this misspelling in several published books but never on the cover, until now:

First the tagline:

“Sometimes the most fertile experiences are found in the most barren of places…”

The blurb:

New graduate Buffy O’Toole always thought she’d teach at one the prep schools on the east coast. After all, she’s a product of them herself and has nothing but happy memories of those days. Earning her teacher’s certificate should have enabled her to return, but when a momentary lapse in judgment renders her disowned and virtually unemployable, those dreams evaporate faster than a Walmart advertised special on a Black Friday.

An influential family friend offers Buffy a second chance—teach for one year at an impoverished Native American school in the high mountain desert of New Mexico and he’ll secure her a position at Miss Kennedy’s Equestrian and Finishing School for Fine Ladies in Martha’s Vineyard. Reluctantly she agrees.

Adrift amongst a people already suspicious and distrustful of the white man, Buffy must learn to set aside her prejudices and embrace the First People. However, two men, Chad Rutting-Stallion and Greg Mounting-Bull, want She Who Wears Twin Sets gone and are willing to use extreme measures to achieve their goal. They have no desire to be some rich white woman’s charity project, even if that white woman has the softest skin they’ve ever touched or tasted, and even if she happens to enjoy a little too much their dangerously seductive games of cowgirl and indians.

With her year nearly over, will Buffy be able to leave her savage First Men or will she run home to her civilized First love?

First debrief point I want to make is I mean no disrespect at all to Native Americans so I hope none is taken.

Second–notice the author’s name is taking a more commanding position on the cover? Yeah, I figure by book four, she’s earned it.

Third–could I have put any more phallic symbols on the cover? It’s actually a pretty cover I’d be proud to affix to the right story.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Click to see list of other participants

Here is the third (tada!) in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

C is for Chillin’ and this one is semi- “adult warning label required”.

Today I’m going for the gusto. Fair warning, this may squick some of you out, but I’m only parodying what’s already out there! Seriously!

The Tagline:

Sometimes wrinkly but experienced beats virile but arrogant.

The blurb:

Linnea Matthews has never been keen on trips home. Rascal Butte, Montana was boring when she was a kid, and it’s even more boring now that she’s an adult.

When her father suffers a nearly fatal accident that leaves him wheelchair bound, Linnea has to put her dreams on hold to take care of him. A widower for ten years, Bear Matthews has no one else besides a motley assortment of buddies who couldn’t find their way around a kitchen if their lives depended on it.

What Bear and his friends, Jim, Carl, Sam, Ralph and Fox do have in common is membership in the local Bareback Riders Club. No, it’s not a club for equestrian enthusiasts but for nudists and swingers of a more “mature” persuasion. As her father’s nurse, Linnea has no choice but to accompany him to the Fifth Annual Jamboree for his inauguration as the in-coming President.

With little blue pills in ample supply, Linnea soon realizes that Daddy’s friends have quite a bit to offer a woman, and older men really are like fine wines—they only get better with age. After such a mind-blowing experience as the belle of the bare ball, will Linnea ever be able to return to her fast-paced job in the city or will she discover that sometimes life in the slow lane has its own unique pleasures?

Eww…right? Very regrettable. But look! There’s man titty! Ok, ok, perhaps old man titty doesn’t count. The look on Linnea’s face, however, is priceless.

Gracious, what do I have planned for D? Come back tomorrow and find out!

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.