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Here is the third (tada!) in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

C is for Chillin’ and this one is semi- “adult warning label required”.

Today I’m going for the gusto. Fair warning, this may squick some of you out, but I’m only parodying what’s already out there! Seriously!

The Tagline:

Sometimes wrinkly but experienced beats virile but arrogant.

The blurb:

Linnea Matthews has never been keen on trips home. Rascal Butte, Montana was boring when she was a kid, and it’s even more boring now that she’s an adult.

When her father suffers a nearly fatal accident that leaves him wheelchair bound, Linnea has to put her dreams on hold to take care of him. A widower for ten years, Bear Matthews has no one else besides a motley assortment of buddies who couldn’t find their way around a kitchen if their lives depended on it.

What Bear and his friends, Jim, Carl, Sam, Ralph and Fox do have in common is membership in the local Bareback Riders Club. No, it’s not a club for equestrian enthusiasts but for nudists and swingers of a more “mature” persuasion. As her father’s nurse, Linnea has no choice but to accompany him to the Fifth Annual Jamboree for his inauguration as the in-coming President.

With little blue pills in ample supply, Linnea soon realizes that Daddy’s friends have quite a bit to offer a woman, and older men really are like fine wines—they only get better with age. After such a mind-blowing experience as the belle of the bare ball, will Linnea ever be able to return to her fast-paced job in the city or will she discover that sometimes life in the slow lane has its own unique pleasures?

Eww…right? Very regrettable. But look! There’s man titty! Ok, ok, perhaps old man titty doesn’t count. The look on Linnea’s face, however, is priceless.

Gracious, what do I have planned for D? Come back tomorrow and find out!

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Book two in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

B is for billionaire.

I decided to futz around with the obsessive, spoiled billionaire who buys women for his playthings then falls for them:

The Tagline:

Sometimes the best things in life are free and right under our noses. All we have to do is look down.

The blurb:

Jane Ash delivers flowers and gifts, makes reservations, and arranges beauty salon, waxing and OB-GYN appointments–all in a day’s work for her very spoiled and debauched billionaire boss and his string of spicy numbers. Jane’s job description also includes cleaning up tearful messes and other loose ends when the “companion contracts” end. If it weren’t for the secret pranks of swapping donkey-sized condoms for her employer’s average-sized stash, she’d lose her ever-loving mind, despite the healthy paycheck.

Christian Gideon never thought he’d grow weary of the fairer sex’s charms, but after giving the heave ho to number thirty-one, that seems to be the case. He’s had women of all hair colors, heights, weights and temperaments, and has tried every position in the Kama Sutra, twice! Perhaps he should let that annoying girl Friday of his go if he can’t keep her busy. Heaven knows she must be missing doling out her usual sneers and digs.

When Jane’s step-sister, Isabelle, bullies her way into an introduction, Christian seizes upon a new form of entertainment. Putting Jane at Isabelle’s imperious beck and call–at least for a few weeks–is the best entertainment he’s had in a long time. Until Jane finally snaps and flees, leaving only a single Easy Spirit pump, size 12, behind. Will Christian be able to find his girl Friday once he realizes that the most important spice in his life has never been anything more exotic than plain table salt?

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What will C bring us tomorrow?  Hmm…

Disclaimer: “Regrettable Book of the Day™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.