Blogging from A to Z April Challenge — “S”

S

Click for list of other participants.

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

S is for Sheik.

Here’s some Rudolph Valentino, 21st century style.

First the tagline:

She’s not asking what her country can do for her, but instead asking what she can do for her country…over and over again.

S4Harlequin SheikThe blurb:

The man who owns the love nest next to Dulcie Thomas is a royal hound dog. Literally. As in he’s a sheik from some Arabian country no one’s ever heard of but where the oil-driven GNP has allowed even the poorest citizens to keep swanky penthouse pads in New York City. The guy always shows up with a new beauty in tow–leggy, blonde, big tits, your basic nightmare–sets up house for a few weeks then disappears. The blonde skips off with a new bauble never to be seen again and a week or so later, the cycle begins anew. Disgusting.

Sheik Khalil Ibraham Prashneesh Yolande Mohammed Al-Jaffir—Skippy M to his club friends—has had it with his bitchy next door neighbor. Seems the building will let any riff-raff with a big trust fund take up residency. Skippy will be sure to have a word with Mr. Trompe the next time he sees him. This harpy named Dovey, Daisy, whatever, might not be so bad if she didn’t leave her ridiculous paperback romances on his doorstep. Always about some billionaire playboy sheik. He doesn’t need her romance tips, thank you very much. And if she doesn’t like the books, why does she keep reading them?

The east / west, male / female conflict comes to a head when Dulcie suspects Skippy has terrorist connections. Why else would he be ordering blindfolds, handcuffs, rope and torture devices? Patriot that she is, Dulcie is determined to aid Homeland Security even if that means going undercover beneath one thousand thread count sheets edged in gold filigree. Mata Hari will be nothing but a smudge on history’s pages after Dulcie fulfills her duty…no matter how many times she has to seduce the filthy beast! But at what cost to her heart?

I might need to spring for some new cover art soon or Skippy is going to be giving Jimmy Thomas and Fabio a run for their money. I think this is his third Regrettable cover so far. He was free when I got him, probably because he’d already been on fifty thousand other covers, most not intentionally regrettable. I love my new font I found though. :)

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Blogging from A to Z April Challenge — “R”

R

Click for list of other participants.

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

R is for Ruthless.

I know I already did an Amish-themed romance as well as a fighting love triangle, but any-who, let’s try a little South Park humor today.

First the tagline:

A young woman’s Amish upbringing never prepared her for the sensual passions of loving two men. Both wish to possess her. One is  willing to kill for her.

R4RuthlessGingerThe blurb:

What’s a plain Amish woman to do when separated from her family’s buggy and marooned amongst the English? Well, when in Rome…and Sarah Yoder is most definitely a Christian amongst hungry Roman lions.

Sandy-haired thrill-seeker, Randy Shaaft is instantly smitten with the demure Amish woman he spies wandering aimlessly through the slopes of the local skateboard park. Randy is used to women swooning over his rippling biceps and abs, not blushing fifty shades of crimson.  He’s certain, however, that a passionate heart beats beneath all those layers of calico.

Despite his adolescent appearance, Rudy “Red” Taylor plays a mean game of hard ball in his dealings with pro athletes. The cool, calculating ginger is not the least bit prepared, however, for the kick in the gut delivered by the woman on his client’s arm at the Annual Skateboarding Awards Ball. He’s determined to be the one to introduce Sarah to his soul-sucking brand of lovemaking.

A wild night of animal passion with both men rocks Sarah’s world forever. She knows she can never return to her simple ways as surely as she knows she will have to choose between the two men. But will the choice be Sarah’s or will she be the spoils of a death match between a ruthless ginger and a free-wheeling blonde?

Have you ever tried hunting for Amish women stock photos that don’t have extra restrictions on their uses? Sheesh, you’d think the Amish wanted to keep a low profile or something.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.