Click for list of other participants

Geesh, I just now realized my alphabet is off by a day! How the heck did that happen? Oh, whoops on the 8th apparently. Apologies. I’ll catch up this Sunday and be back on track next Monday.

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

M is for Mommy

No idea where this one came from. I shopped all the images together first then concocted a ridiculous story to fit second. This one had two different titles–Tempting her BFF and Babysitting Mr. Miller–before I settled on The Mommy Swap.  I really liked my Babysitting Mr. Miller  concept so that may be a future Regrettable. But for today, we’re spoofing Wife Swap, the reality television show.

First the tagline:

Reality IS stranger than fiction.

The blurb:

Prunella and Charles Waltham live in Greenwich Village, NY. Prunella spends most of her time shuttling their only child Zhean-Rhennaix to the finest schools in New York City–modeling lessons on Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, horseback riding on Tuesdays, post-cubism art lessons on Wednesdays and the Marionette Masters’ Academy on Fridays. Her world revolves around improving her daughter’s chances in the Little Miss Hissy Fit Beauty Pageant.

Delroy and June Miller and their two kids, Travis and Bessie, live in Coon Booger Hills, Arkansas. June grows the family’s food, makes their clothing and home schools both children to keep them on God’s righteous path and away from the Evil-doers in the neighboring city of Clinton, population 1000.

When the two couples agree to participate in the hit show, “Mommy Swap,” the producers are sure they have a controversial match up on their hands.

But no one expects Charles to run off with his secretary the second Prunella boards her flight to Arkansas.

No one expects June to take to stage mommery like a skeeter to a sugar-coated toddler.

No one expects the Miller kids to lock Mrs. Waltham and their father in the storm cellar for a week so they can play “Satan’s game” of Angry Birds on her iPad.

And no one expects a country bumpkin like Delroy and a trophy wife like Prunella to fall in love.

Everyone expects life to return to normal after the show ends. Everyone is wrong.

Is that show Wife Swap still on? Hmm. Any-who, this one is a formula for disaster with infidelity, bratty kids, toddler beauty pageants and a Bible thumper.

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.

Click for list of other participants

Today I have a new installment in my “Regrettable Books A to Z™” series. For those of you new to my series, this is 100% parody. You are more than welcome to laugh, snicker and guffaw at my amateurish photoshopping and blurb writing. Bad is good. Good is bad.

L is for Lacemaker

I’ve seen a lot of books about wives lately: The Time Traveler’s Wife, Ahab’s Wife, The Pilot’s Wife, A Reliable Wife, etc. Where are the husband books? Huh? Where? Well, let’s fix that, shall we, beginning with The Lacemaker’s Husband.

First the tagline:

Can a hardened Viking warrior and a vanquished lacemaker live together without driving each other crazy?

The blurb:

Godfrey Dottirschmulkergaard can take any woman he chooses, from any city or village he and his fellow Vikings pillage and plunder. Handsome, fierce and powerful, his conquests are the stuff of nightmares…and fantasies.

Expert tatter, Bridget MacDougal refuses to flee when the tall ships arrive in her coastal village. She’s not going to be run out of her home by anyone, let alone a savage from the north with the worst table manners of anyone she’s ever met!

Godfrey can’t believe his eyes or ears when this tiny slip of a woman not only stands up to his threats, but insists he help her wind her lace-making threads. She’s got a wedding gown to adorn and no one–civilized or not–is going to prevent her from completing the job. If torching Bridget’s house, kicking her dog and ripping her doilies to shreds hasn’t cowed her into submission, perhaps bedding the maddening lacemaker will finally break her spirit.

But if Godfrey wants the MacDougal lairdship as the cherry on top, he’ll also have to marry Bridget and establish conjugal residency for six months. Can a Viking warrior survive a half year of domesticity with the beautiful red-headed harridan or will Bridget’s fiery temper drive Godfrey to beg for an early ship to Valhalla?

Who doesn’t love a good hen-pecked Viking story? **scans the room for raised hands and finding none sighs** Did I mention this was a parody?

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Disclaimer: “Regrettable Books A to Z™” is a completely fictional (duh!) creation for parody purposes only. I have no product beyond what you see in this post. Photos are public domain or stock photos I have purchased. This is not a commercial purpose, however, I retain any and all creative story rights in the highly unlikely event I accidentally create something that might be worth a damn.