Show me the voice!

Below are the first 250 words of my novel My Fair Vampire for the “Show me the voice contest” sponsored by Brenda Drake.  Click the picture at the left for details.

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Dammit, he got away. They always get away. I suck at this. I wish someone would just stake me already.

I dropped heavily onto the park bench and contemplated yet another night pilfering from the blood bank.

I really didn’t know why my sire had bothered, why he hadn’t just killed me. The last time I’d had fresh blood, he’d caught it then scolded me saying, “Dori, remember, use surprise until you’ve mastered persuasion, so for God’s sake don’t let ‘em see your canines.”

“Well maybe if you spent a little more time training me, Donovan, instead of getting off with your harem, I wouldn’t be such a disappointment.”

“Maybe if you tried dressing a little more sexy, you could lure better. This,” he’d pointed to my feet, then my clothes, “…garbage you wear is utterly pointless.”

That had triggered my usual defense. “A girl’s gotta have the right shoes to chase ‘em down if she’s not blessed in other departments.”

He’d grunted with aggravation then stalked off, his long black coat cutting a wide fluttering swath behind him. I had to get Mr. GQ for a sire when I was so NOT Ms. Cosmopolitan. A freckle-faced strawberry blonde in track pants and a “Save the Adobe Whales” t-shirt made me more likely to grace the cover of Natural Health–ironic since I was dead.

I clapped my tennis shoes together and mud fell to the ground in clumps. The clear Albuquerque skies peeked through the treetops and twinkled above my head.

ROW80 wk 11, rpt 2

It seems like I worked hard but don’t really have a lot to show for it in terms of my stated goals.  I missed my new word count on my novels in process though I worked on two of them and wrote and submitted one short story to a contest and started a second.

My first three betas have sent back their marked up copies of my manuscripts.  All are writers.  That leaves two in the hands of readers who, if they read it, great, if not, no worries.  So, the editing, with the help of autocrit.com begins this next week.

Lastly, I really need to work away from the television.  I have a netbook and vow to use it upstairs in the quiet office until we get a more permanent computer solution.

Cumulative ROW80 stats are here.

Linky to other participants is here.